Ford, Meet Ford
by Haberdashing
Summary: A crossover fanfic in which one Ford Pines meets one Ford Prefect.


Ford was glad to be back on Earth… even if it wasn't the right Earth.

For a few days after he had first arrived, Ford had been hoping that he had made it back home, against all odds. Only some dedicated library research had yielded evidence that while he was on Earth for the first time in decades (albeit on a continent he had never before visited), it was still within another dimension, likely far from his home world. Still, it was nice to be on a planet where he knew how things worked, where he didn't have to worry about the "water" poisoning him or the "ground" burning his boots, where he could blend in with the natives without having to put in much effort.

He couldn't stick around forever, though. Once a nearby dimensional portal popped up, it would be time to move on, likely to a much less hospitable place. That was just how his life was these days, how it would have to be until he finished building his quantum destabilizer and stopped Bill Cipher once and for all.

Ford stood in a dimly-lit alleyway, checking a scanner for signs of any new portals in his vicinity, when he heard a loud, almost theatrical cough. He quickly stashed the scanner in one of his coat pockets and looked up.

Something about the ginger-haired man in front of Ford struck him as odd, though he couldn't put his finger on what gave him that impression. His smile was broad, perhaps overly so, and his eyes were open very wide, but none of that was enough to explain why he seemed ever so slightly off.

"What was that you had out just now?" the redhead asked, stepping closer to Ford.

"Very important and incredibly sophisticated scientific equipment, but never mind that, just go about your business."

The strange man took another step closer, leaning towards Ford. "Could I see?"

"No, you may not." Ford's hand reached towards his blaster, but by the time he had finished pulling it out and aiming it, the stranger had backed off a few feet and put his empty hands in the air, palms out in a universal gesture of peace.

"Don't shoot. I mean you no harm." That too-wide smile opened into a laugh, though Ford didn't see any humor in the situation. "I'm just very into… technology… these days. Look, can I start over? The name is Ford, Ford Prefect."

As the stranger gave his name, Ford felt as if a chasm had opened up around him.

Because he knew that name, and not just because the first name was the same as his own. Ford had come across that name before, read it in a science-fiction novel he'd read in a rare moment of downtime… and now its owner was standing before him in the flesh.

Ford had known the multiverse was vast, but to find out that what had been fiction was this world's reality… well, that was something else entirely.

And he couldn't just go and tell Ford Prefect all of this, of course. How would you tell a stranger that in your home world, they were fictional? It was an absurd thought, and one that seemed likely to end in tears or bloodshed.

Instead, Ford lowered his gun, made a few mental calculations about the (im)probability of Bill Cipher having influence in this realm, and decided to share a somewhat less remarkable truth.

"Your name is Ford? That's odd- my name is Ford, too. What are the odds?"

The other Ford's smile grew even larger, to the point where it made Ford's cheeks ache just to look at it- Betelgeusian physiology might be capable of such wide grins, but human physiology not so much.

"You made the same mistake, then? Glad to know it's not just me who confused the natives and their vehicles. I'll definitely need to make a note of that bit for the Guide."

"N-no, that's my actual name. It's short for Stanford, actually."

" _Short for Stanford_ \- that's a good one, I'll have to remember that!" Ford Prefect laughed again, and perhaps it was just because he already knew better, but Ford couldn't imagine how anyone could mistake that laugh for the sound of an Earthling. "But you don't need to hide it from me, I know a fellow hitchhiker when I see one. But how in the world did you get here? I've been keeping an eye out for spaceships ever since I landed, and I haven't seen a one, certainly not the bright red of an Eridanian ship- you are Eridanian, aren't you?"

Ford was a bit lost for words. "No- wait, what makes you say that?"

Ford Prefect gave no verbal response, only wiggling his fingers energetically, and it took Ford a long moment to make the connection and look down at his own, six-fingered hand.

"…are you saying what I think you're saying? That every Eridanian has- has hands like mine?"

"Well, of course." Ford Prefect raised an eyebrow. "You really aren't Eridanian? But you obviously aren't from around here-"

"That much you've got right."

"-So what _are_ you?"

Ford heard his scanner beeping dimly from within his jacket. It must have found something, but he was loathe to start fiddling with the technology while Ford Prefect was still hanging around.

"I'm leaving." Ford turned around and walked briskly towards the far side of the alley.

"Wait, no- please don't leave me stranded on this backwater planet- eight years I've been stuck here, eight miserable years spent watching the skies, you can't just leave me here!"

"Oh, but I can, and I will." Ford picked up his pace and pulled out the scanner- the portal was only a few short blocks away, thank goodness, but it was due to disappear in a matter of minutes.

Ford Prefect sprinted to catch up to Ford. "What do I need to do to get on your ship? I'll do anything. I mean it."

"I don't have a ship-" Two blocks away now, and a little over a minute until the portal disintegrated. Ford started running. "-and you don't want to go where I'm going, believe me."

And there it was, a portal incongruously splayed out in the middle of a London alleyway, visions of grimy sidewalks giving way to a view of turquoise water and lavender skies.

Another world. With any luck, another step closer to defeating Bill Cipher. As interesting as this encounter was, this was where it had to end.

Ford turned back to see that Ford Prefect was staring at the portal, too, mouth agape.

"Just be patient, you'll get off this planet eventually. But not today."

Ford stepped through the portal. The air around him was thick and hot, and the twin suns shone brightly on his face. He was on an island, one small enough that the sea and the sky met on the horizon in all directions.

He barely noticed when the portal faded out of existence a second later.

Earth had been fun, but it was time to move on.


End file.
